Sometimes when I look at couples, I tend to ask the question – what keeps these two together?
Of course the typical answer one gets is that they ‘love’ each other.
But the question(s) I’m really asking could be one or more of these:
Is that all?
Is it enough?
Doesn’t one need more?
What if they realize it’s not enough?
What if they want more?
Snippets from conversations that I’ve had with friends tell me that a lot of people are ok with wanting different things from life, and still being together.
For example – one friend mentioned “last Sunday he watched a movie at home, while I read this really interesting book abt..”
Another friend went skiing with his friends while his wife enjoyed a relaxing weekend at home.
A third friend said that him and his wife can never agree on a restaurant – he likes Indian, while she loves Ethiopian.
You get the drift..
Now I’m fully aware that in a healthy relationship, both partners ought to have their own ‘me time’ and do things that they each like; that tagging your partner along for everything you want to do isn’t necessarily a good thing.
However, at what point do you cross over and become two very different people with very different personalities and very strong preferences who just happen to have fallen in love sometime in the past?
When the serotonin responsible for infatuation, and the dopamine that induced attraction wears off, what do you do then?
How do you continue to be together? Do you count on endorphins that make you feel a sense of attachment and comfort when you are around the person?
I’ve always felt that for people to be together long term, they should have very similar preferences, or at least a fair amount of similarity in their preferences. Music, movies, food, hobbies, philosophies… You get the point!
One may argue that I’m being too idealistic; and that it’s quite rare to find someone whose likes and dislikes would strongly mirror ones own.
But here’s why being ‘idealistic’ may not be such a bad thing!
Scientists define the ‘honeymoon period’ as being anywhere between 18 months – 4 years. The ‘love’ will wear off eventually. And the endorphins will only do so much!
So go find someone who swoons over jazz like you do!
Or who feels like he was a dog in Italy in his last birth because he absolutely loves Italian food same as you!
Or who sports his (and your) favorite rocker’s haircut!
Because just ‘love’ may not be enough!