I miss those balmy nights of summer and the salty breeze of your beach. The beads of sweat & water in the heat and in the rain. I crave passionate conversations with friends in the quiet haunts of  your lonely streets.

But Bombay, you were not the city of my dreams! You’re the city of my nostalgia; the city of bittersweet things!

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Halfway around the earth!

In chronological order, my life changed like this.

August was the harbinger of good news.
He had been transferred.
To New York.

September made us wait with bated breath.
The visas were expected.
They didn’t come.
They needed to be filed in a different category.

October brought much work.
Refiling the application.
This time, we were rewarded with a shiny page on the passport.
Permission to enter the United States!

November saw planning.
Lists of things.
To buy, to sell, to send, to give, to discard.

December – the day was soon arriving.
Packing, packing and more packing!
Some shopping.

When the day finally came, New York was experiencing a snow apocalypse.
Phone calls, emails & canceled flights deflated our enthusiasm.
Some more phone calls and emails later, we were on our way.
Farewells were exchanged with friends & family.

December 30th – 11:35 am Eastern Time. New York greeted us with a sunny smile.


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On a cold night in December well-past midnight as we sit outside in our balcony, frothy cold coffee and a chill in the air are a perfect pause to listen to the sound of the breeze that spells the coming of the new year!

The last 3 days & nights have blended into each other as they’ve been spent lazing around – eating, drinking and making merry! how wonderfully refreshing it feels to do absolutely nothing… to wake up with nothing on your mind, no work to be done, just waking up to a new day!

The maid is on leave. And the house manages to take care of itself. No food is prepared in advance. We eat what we find or make what we feel like. We eat smelly blue cheese or feta with bread and canned kidney beans.We share a pint or two when we feel like it.

We buy half a kg cake – a decadent one called ‘Death by chocolate’ last night. We buy 2 more cakes – a simple sponge cake and the other one is orange. I make milkshakes with cake and chocochip cookies or banana milkshakes or simply cold coffee.

We take naps whenever we’re sleepy, the day begins afresh whenever we awaken whether its 12 in the afternoon or 7 in the evening. This is probably the best ‘vacation-time’ we’ve had in a while, he says!

This year will end on a very pleasant note! That of being decadent, lazy, romantic and slightly tipsy with some jazz for the perfect blend!

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College Project

I never imagined I would write about college AGAIN! atleast not about while being IN IT!
🙁 No, it isn’t the best feeling! No, I’m not enjoying it!
So stop asking me those questions!

The education system SUX! but i love sitting in those lectures and listening to the lectures! So much about Psychology that I love.. sigh!

Anyway! here’s why I wrote this post.

I need help!
I’m jus copy pasting a note I wrote to some ppl on my gmail list.
If you’ve been directed here, thanks for reading.. I’m hoping you’ll b able to help me. or direct someone here who CAN help me!
If you’ve stumbled here, even so.. read the following and see if you can help me..

Thanks a lot!



As you know, I have gone back to studying and I’m currently pursuing a double graduation – this time in Psychology; I would like to ask of your help. As part of the TYBA course, each student has to conduct a research based project in Industrial Psychology.

My topic of interest is Herzberg’s two factor theory also known as the Motivation-Hygiene Theory.
Check this for a simple explanation of the theory.

I am currently scanning the web in order to develop a checklist of the factors (that are distinct from each other) affecting satisfaction & dissatisfaction in employees as is theorized by Herzberg. In continuation to the research, I will be drafting a checklist suitable for a specific industry (pharmaceutical in my case) and designing a questionnaire or survey or using the interview method in order to (hopefully) prove/accept Herzberg’s theory.

I’ve written all of the above in order to request you to help me with the factors that I could add in the checklist.
If you have any refernece material on Herzberg’s theory and are willing to share it with me, I would be very grateful and will most certainly cite it and will remember to acknowledge you.

If you think you can add your two bits to my the checklist, please feel free to mail them to me on this email address.

Meanwhile, I would be as grateful if you could forward this email to those you think may be able to help me.

Thanks & Warm Rgds,

Suman Kalra.

Certified Trainer in
Neuro-liguistic Programming
Ceritifed Handwriting Analyst
Certified Hypnotist


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The Need to Belong

Saturday the 18th of July 2009.

I’m moving from this home. I’m saying Goodbye to a home I dwelt in for close to two years. I never even liked the place much. Yet, I’m filled with a heaviness knowing I wont roam around these floors, have these walls to lean on, have these windows to sit by. I’m moving into a beautiful house. I love how it looks. Over the last 15 days, I’ve been thinking of how I’ll decorate it, how I’ll make it my new home! This sudden sense of familiarity that I’m going to leave away filled me with a yearning.. to belong… I feel a sense of belongingness to this home. Is it cos I stayed here too long?

I wonder why we feel this way… Why is it that we associate ourselves to something external, something outside of us and want to make it our own? The teddy bear I held onto, the books lying in my bookshelf for years, the furniture I liked, the blanket I cannot sleep without… the people I cannot live without…

Why this need to hold onto something with all our might. As if life itself would come to an end if it were to be taken away from us.

I’m sitting by myself in my dining room, listening to the nightly sounds of life – a bike finding its way on the pot-holed road outside, a child crying in a house upstairs, the television in my neighbor’s house, the rain pattering on the wall outside, the wind blowing hard into small crevices somewhere. Its been a while since I’ve had time alone, by myself. I got so used to having someone around that the thought of not being around him would fill me with a sense of loneliness. Its been a while since I felt at peace with solitude.

I cried today. I didn’t like how needy I was feeling. I cried not because I didn’t feel loved, but because I didn’t want to feel unloved. I cried because I wanted to feel self-sufficient. And yet, it slips away from me every time I try hard to hold onto that feeling.

I do not like not being in control knowing fully well that if I let go, I will be in control. Life is such an irony. Love should be liberating, not binding. It should be exalting, not denigrating. And here I am, gripping with my odd state.. that of feeling something between wanting to feel loved and not wanting to feel it.

Thursday 23rd July 2009

Once again as I sit by my window and feel the cool breeze that I know I will miss, a sudden realization dawns upon me.

I cannot hold on to the wind…

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It rained today!

I was at the beach this evening.

The wind seemed oddly different.
The air smelled different.

I watched the sun go down the west and the east looked heavy with darker clouds.
It will rain today, I said. The sky kept beckoning acknowledgement.
I drove home with my smoke and kept expecting a shower.
Slowly, ever so slowly came thundering.. lightning.. and then there it was.
A sudden drizzle and the world came alive.

Everyone looked out their window.

For a few seconds I stood there and waited
for the earth to drink
And quench its thirst.

Its so soft and fresh,
The smell of nature bathed in its own beauty.

Everything became lush green.
The fragrance of wet mud feels like heaven.

A very hot cup of hot chocolate and the warmth of your beloved.
Soft raindrops settling on your fingertips.
Cooling and igniting desires at once!

Music begins to play inside my head.
A saxophone and dim lights.
Double bass and a trumpet waiting in the shadows

Ella & Louis sing in a melodious voice…

“Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you!
Birds singing in the sycamore tree…
Dream a little dream of me…

Say Nitey Nite & kiss me
Just hold me tight & tell me you miss me.
While I’m alone & blue as can be,
Dream a little dream of me!

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I’m longing to linger till dawn dear
Just singing this…

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams, whatever they’d be
You got to make a little promise, promise to me;
You’ll dream… Dream a little dream of me!”

Smiling.. sighing… smiling some more!

The rains are nostalgic.. I wana get soaked in the rain.
I wana hold out my fingertips and feel droplets of water.
I wana hold out my arms and feel liberated.
I wana be held with warmth and feel loved in the rain!

I wana get soaked in the rain!

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