Black Marigolds

It starts as an innocent thought, soon growing into conflicting thoughts.
Its a fight against myself!
These overwhelming twists and turns of my thoughts.
I can hear them inside my mind.
They sound like jazz. drums beating and a trumpet playing.
Crawling and creeping into the recesses deep within, they were buried in darkness, never to see light.
And yet here they are, playing havoc with my mind.
Like sparks on trees struck with lightning!
The double bass plays on heightening this heat..
This crawling heat.. under my skin is fighting with the nip in the air.
Its a battle – a battle of thoughts, it refuses to subside!

Cold breaths mingled with fear grip my throat and leave me unable to speak.
The keys of the piano play in quick succession
It takes all my strength to abandon them. bury them again in the recesses of my mind.
Bury them deep and wish them dead. but when I sleep, they loom like ghosts in the darkness inside.
Like the sound of a saxophone.
Slowly awakening from slumber and crawling again with measured pace.
This building pandemonium will tear me apart.

This fire from the sparks will burn my heart.
Like a song rising to a crescendo
Like the end of a dark poem
Written for the wake of a dying man
It physically hurts to be rendered helpless,
Unable to do a thing.
Waiting, hoping but not knowing
what I wait and hope for.
A sigh of relief leaves me as these thoughts pass by.
These thoughts, these nagging thoughts in my head
Like a song on loop, playing in the background somewhere.
Ignored, yet trying hard to be heard.
Staying in the periphery,
but making its presence felt.

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The best is yet to come…

She was engrossed in the music. I-pod in her hand, she didn’t register anything outside of her thoughts other than the nip of the cold breeze. The ‘what ifs’ of life occupied her.

“Does age do that to you? When you begin to think of your life…”
“The things you did…would you have done them now if you were the same person as you were then?”

She watched a child in the next auto rickshaw, smiled at him vaguely with sadness in her eyes…
Feeling the need to protect that innocence… knowing it will change.
“Life will change… that child will change… “
She had changed.

Catching a glimpse of a face in the mirror, she smiled… at a face she recognized as her own.
“This is what wisdom looks like…This is what learning from your mistakes looks like…”

She walked home, feeling the air again…
“Gentle, soft and mellow… like tender loving caresses…”
She smiled with a glow… “This is also what wisdom feels like!”

 

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It rained today!

I was at the beach this evening.

The wind seemed oddly different.
The air smelled different.

I watched the sun go down the west and the east looked heavy with darker clouds.
It will rain today, I said. The sky kept beckoning acknowledgement.
I drove home with my smoke and kept expecting a shower.
Slowly, ever so slowly came thundering.. lightning.. and then there it was.
A sudden drizzle and the world came alive.

Everyone looked out their window.

For a few seconds I stood there and waited
for the earth to drink
And quench its thirst.

Its so soft and fresh,
The smell of nature bathed in its own beauty.

Everything became lush green.
The fragrance of wet mud feels like heaven.

A very hot cup of hot chocolate and the warmth of your beloved.
Soft raindrops settling on your fingertips.
Cooling and igniting desires at once!

Music begins to play inside my head.
A saxophone and dim lights.
Double bass and a trumpet waiting in the shadows

Ella & Louis sing in a melodious voice…

“Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you!
Birds singing in the sycamore tree…
Dream a little dream of me…

Say Nitey Nite & kiss me
Just hold me tight & tell me you miss me.
While I’m alone & blue as can be,
Dream a little dream of me!

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I’m longing to linger till dawn dear
Just singing this…

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams, whatever they’d be
You got to make a little promise, promise to me;
You’ll dream… Dream a little dream of me!”

Smiling.. sighing… smiling some more!

The rains are nostalgic.. I wana get soaked in the rain.
I wana hold out my fingertips and feel droplets of water.
I wana hold out my arms and feel liberated.
I wana be held with warmth and feel loved in the rain!

I wana get soaked in the rain!

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